HI! I hope you’re doing well and staying safe!Today I’m going to talk about relationship goals.
In today’s society, it’s a popular thing to say “They’re so goals.” “This is such relationship goals”, it’s everywhere. We see a picture of a couple on holiday, or a picture of a dinner date, or just two hands on a beach and we immediately label it as goals.
I think that there is nothing wrong with having aspirations, and taking inspiration, however, I think that there is an issue when it begins to be idolisation of relationships, and particularly other people’s relationships.
Let me give one example, there was a youtube couple, and from the surface they looked cute, you would just see ‘goals’ underneath the video in the comment, or people sharing that they want what that couple has. Which sounded good, and I’ll be honest I thought the same, this is love and I want it too. However, it wasn’t until they broke up, and it was revealed that all was not well, and some of what ‘seemed’ the cutest things was in the middle of their hardest times, and it was a nasty break up. So what we were aspiring to want to be, wasn’t that great at all!
As I say, there is nothing wrong with admiring and seeing the positive things, and thinking, maybe could you try something similar, such as weekly date nights, such as different holiday destinations. However, there is more to relationships than just what instagram portrays. We need to be realistic that it’s more than what people post or tweet.
A lot of people may be comparing their own relationship with what is being portrayed online and view theirs as ‘not good enough’, because it doesn’t hold to the standard of what you’re seeing online. But, it’s important to realise that a relationship can’t be replicated. You can’t copy what Will and Jada do, because you’re not will and Jada. You have your own story and your own journey. If you’re constantly wanting your person to stand up to the standard of someone who is online, instead of taking them for who they actually are, then you’re missing out on knowing the individual for who they are.
I love listening to old couples tell their journey, because it reminds me that there is a different story for each couple, to be where they are, they’ve endured hardships, they’ve endured things which have made them who they are. There’s beauty in learning, it’s okay to learn from others, and listen to others too.
I put my hand up, there’s been times I’ve idolised the idea of relationships, and marriage, until someone told me, “You realise that relationships aren’t just the romantic things like flowers, it’s not like the movies” and “Marriage is more than the gorgeous wedding day”, but I think often we’re consumed by everything around us and attaining the perfect ‘#relationshipgoals’ type of relationship.
If you’re basing your “standard” on something that continues to change all the time, it’s like you are leaning on a marshmallow for structural support. It won’t stand, and it’s not going to work.
I’m not saying don’t have your personal goals, of where you want your relationships to be. I’m not saying don’t find inspiration from others. But don’t spend time trying to emulate and become that couple, or try have what they have – because in reality, we don’t actually know what they have to the full extent. They’re trying to figure it out themselves.
Don’t base everything off a snapshot image of a single moment in time.
You don’t have to want something just because society tells you to want it. You don’t have to want flowers everyday just because a lot of Instagram girls get flowers everyday. Maybe you don’t even like flowers like that!
Be your own relationship goals. Aspire to have the best relationship for you. Whatever that means to you and for your significant others. Be healthy, be loving and be you. That’s all you can be. Not everyone else, not a version of someone else. But be you! And the best you that you can be. Grow, and learn! THAT is a goal.
I hope this has made sense, and I hope to do a follow up on this, part 2!♥️.
God bless you
~ peace joy & love