Check yourself : Why am I doing this?

During my driving lessons, before setting off, I would always look over my right shoulder, at my blind spot. And that was routine, until one day, I was parked on the opposite side of the road (cars would be coming from my left), and I did my usual checking of my right blind spot. My instructor asked me, “why are you checking your right?” I said, because I always do that. He asked me if I knew the reasons why you had to check your blind spot, and I really couldn’t give a reason, I just did it because, that’s what I had to do.  And I got used to doing it rather than actually checking if there were cars coming from behind so I could pull away safely.

In this I realised that sometimes we get stuck in patterns of repeating the same thing, ritually and may I say religiously. And it’s not always the best thing.

In my journey in Christ, I always felt wrong for questioning why we do things. I felt childish, and wanted just to be able to do things because everyone else is doing them and not to question. I’m not sure if that’s a cultural thing, where we were taught not to question, particularly adults/ elders. So we tend to stay silent even when we don’t understand.

However, I realised that often I would do things just because we “had” to. And it’s the way it’s always been done, no if buts or maybes. And I started off doing things ignorantly, and through not understanding the reasoning why, I got frustrated and decided I didn’t want to follow anything anymore! I’ll give an example.

I was fed up with being told we had to pray and fast, and nobody explained to me the reasons why we do that. It was a case of “this is what we do.” And It took seeking and finding answers, to realise that we don’t do things, fast and pray or even read the word of God to make God love us, but we do it for our own benefit. Communication with God allows us to align our will to His, and to also have that fellowship, and sometimes I find praying is just me expressing to God how annoyed I was at uni today, or how upset I am! There’s something special about doing something when you understand why you’re doing it.

I think it works even in a non-faith aspect, for example you could react in certain ways when something bad happens. Are you quick to flip out when you don’t get your way, or you don’t give people a second chance when they make a mistake, or are you quick to judge without knowing the full story? Stepping back and asking yourself “wait, why did I react that way? Why am I doing this?”  We often do things because it’s the way we’ve been raised or it’s what we’ve been exposed to, and it’s also just what we’re used to doing. Without stopping and taking a moment to think “wait, why am I doing this?”? Why do I completely shut down, or take out my anger on others.

Is there a better alternative? How am I benefiting from what I do? How are others benefiting from what I do? Is this behaviour healthy, helpful or hazardous to someone else’s emotions?

Realising that you’re not a rock, and you’re not fixed in your ways and you can always change, and look at things from a different alternative. If I hadn’t asked myself why am I doing this and sought understanding, I would’ve rejected praying and spending time with God, all because I didn’t understand and I lacked the knowledge on how it would benefit me. If I didn’t realise the reason why we check blind spots, and knowing it’s not always our right side, I could’ve got into a collisions a car!

Don’t get so used to autopilot that you don’t actually take time to think and see why your actions are the way they are!

You’re not a bad Christian for asking guidance on why things are done in a certain way, even just to seek guidance for help in understanding why the word of God says certain things! Deepen your understanding so that you don’t do things just religiously. Think of little children, they will ask why (although it drives us up the wall), because they’re wanting to know, their mind is open to learning and to accepting.

Even personally.

Take time to check yourself, why do I do this?

~

Thank you once again for reading and supporting. I write not because I promise the truth, but I write my journey as I learn , that on the off chance someone may be helped ! Or see that there is hope and that it’s not only you.

I also apologise for the lack of posting ! Exam season 😭.

God bless you, please comment let me know what you think , share and come back again soon!

Peace, joy & love x

~ TK ♥️.