One thing I want to work on is being able to Check myself, working on who I am. And this sounds so cliche, ‘taking time to find myself’, but there is a need to be aware of who you are, what you accept, what you dont, recognising your strengths and mos importanly, working on your weaknesses. And this is what I want to look at today.
The word ‘toxic’ is everywhere, and we often hear it with ‘masculinity’, and maybe even toxic feminity. But when was the last time you ever asked yourself, ‘what toxic traits do I have.’ We often associate knowing and finding ourselves with positivity and cute stuff such as travelling, single seasons etc. And that’s fine! But it’s high time we really check ourselves and say, no there must be things I do which upsets others, or which isn’t a good thing.
If I asked you to list negative traits in other people, I perceive you’d have a list. “They talk bad about others, they’re so negative, they compare and judge”. Okay cool, but is that something you also do too?
Now the only reason I say this is because I emotionally dragged and triggered myself. I was ranting about what someone did to me, and how they’re awful etc etc, and in my spirit, there was a small voice ‘but remember, you did this too? Remember when you said this about this individual.’
I had to sit myself down, and say God show me the things in me, which isn’t like you. And I asked people around me those who are closest to me, for things which I do which aren’t quite nice. And when you have friends who are like a mirror and show you things in yourself that you don’t see, but they do it with love, it’s beautiful. But yeah! I really had to sit myself down and list it. I realised I had a prideful mentality, of seeing myself from a higher platform, and my oh my, did God bring me down from my self-made pedastal. I realised that I was comparing constantly. I could give criticism but hated receiving.
When you realise some of these things, you realise they come from a place of insecurity or uncertainty within, or often a place you’re trying to compensate. So don’t be too harsh on yourself. But the important thing is that be able to see those things, spot them and do something about it, rather than realising and thinking *shrug*, ‘oh well’. Why? Because toxicitiy and negativity spreads, not only will you be damaging yourself, but you affect others too, and that’s not fair.
If you’re thinking “Nah, not me!”, Fair enough, but ask people close to you, ‘What traits do I have which are negative’, look at yourself and see the way you respond to situations the way you treat other people, the way you speak about others, or even the way you treat yourself. In every situation you ever encounter do you always see everyone else as the one who were in the wrong and never a fault of your own? Are you always the victim in every thing that doesn’t go your way ?cause in reality, sometimes the things that happen may be due to our own faults rather than due to everything else. That bad grade, was it because the system that you’re in is unfair or was it because you started revising really late? That relationship breakdown, was it because they’re the worst human ever and you did nothing wrong, or was there things you could’ve changed? The fallout with your friend , was it totally their fault or did you have things that you could’ve done better too?
Like I said, negativity doesn’t only affect others but you yourself. Having negative and toxic traits towards yourself, can be harmful!
Not all the time is it your fault. And it’s not healthy to constantly blame yourself , nor is it healthy to see yourself constantly as the victim. However, take time to evaluate when things go wrong, could I have done anything to change the outcome? Is there something I can do to improve/ work on? What can I learn from this!
Seek help in improving yourself, whether is through books, articles, counselling or therapy! Check yourself!
peace, joy & love x
~ TK ♥️